I fall apart. Often. In private. It’s the most cleansing experience. I don’t plan it, but I can sense when it’s needed and prepare a place. Truth is, I used to be afraid to fall apart. Afraid to give sound to feelings inside me. Until that one summer day in 2017 when I felt the volcano stirring in my belly. I thought, “Uh oh! It’s coming up and out and there’s nothing I can do to stop it!” I’d been able to suppress feelings for so long. I mean rarely sobbed and like Fergie said, “big girls don’t cry!”
Falling apart alone is so beautiful because it sets me free. I can sit, stand, lay or a combination of motions as I regurgitate all that has been heavy in my heart and lay these things at the feet of the Father. I can say the things that shame and condemn me without judgement.
Falling apart with someone is so beautiful because it reminds me that I don’t always have to be strong. People share their strength with you, just by showing up and being present. That silent presence speaks volumes.
Life is a journey. A process to behold. Various posts on this blog share my journey and how I got to where I am today, thankful for survival. I am confident that I survive because I fall apart.