I’d Do Anything For ME!

I’d do anything for me, but I used to didn’t. (Read that again)

I used to put everyone else’s needs before mine.

Really, I used to.

But, I don’t anymore.

Why did I stop? Well, I am glad you asked. And really, the answer is very simple. I love myself enough to know that I can’t pour from an empty cup! And I know this, because I’ve tried. ALOT!

We do a lot of self care talk these days. Life overwhelms us. We struggle mentally and emotionally with our own issues, ones that others project on us, and even ones that we shoulder the burden of because we are compassionate and hate to see others struggle. Our physical man has health concerns that we have to work through.

As a result, we end up back at ground zero. Back at finding our joy. Our Peace. Getting back on right track. Drinking more water. Making healthier food choices. Finding a boot camp or group exercise class. Going to see a doctor.

What exactly would I do for myself? Well, I am very glad that you asked.

I will tell you no. I will decline your invitation. I will sit in silence. I will take a nap. I will binge watch tv for an entire day. I will stay home for a day. I will book a trip. I will call my best friends so that I can giggle. I will get a mani pedi. I will buy a dress. I will do what ever is necessary to make myself happy and that’s not limited to not participating in conversations that don’t uplift me and walking away from tables when love is no longer being served.

And, here’s why. Nobody, I mean, NOBODY is responsible for you, but you! So, do what fills your cup. Refresh and reset in a way that allows your spark to grow into a zest for life. Take the trip or take the nap. Make the phone call, the salad or the cake. Take the class. Shoot your shot. Whatever you need to do. But commit to yourself because self care is YOUR divine responsibility. Be careful with you.

How will you care for yourself?

#SDG

I Am Good Soil

For the first time in over 10 years, I am in love with myself and I am walking in my purpose. I’m out of a stretch of low self esteem and heartbreaks. I wanted to wallow in my misfortune, But God kept giving me more things and more people to nurture and love. I watched family, coworkers, friends and frequent acquaintances benefit from my light, love and laughter. I was fighting internal hidden battlefields of the heart and mind, they were leaving me refreshed, happy and encouraged.

See, sometimes, the devil fights us because we are good soil and he knows that anything God plants in us will bear good fruit. Understanding that the enemy attacks at our greatest strength made me realize that I AM GOOD SOIL!

I count it on joy when I’m able to help others see the light where they only saw night. It was this act that helped pull me out of my own darkness and sprout. I was buried for what felt like an eternity. Giving so much of myself to others that there was rarely anything to give to myself. I yearned for stars in the sky and I kept telling the Lord, “I’m a bird, you gotta let me fly!”

At my core, I knew I was so much more than my pain and circumstances. I knew that there was purpose planted inside of me and if I could just crack the seed break the soils surface, everything would be beautiful!

I stopped conforming to what the world wanted and began to live free, but in radical obedience. I knew I could breathe on things and make them great. My love can mend the broken hearted. I am strong enough to carry someone else’s pain while they get their sparkle back. I know just the right amount of reckless talk to fire you up or when to be the breeze that holds you up.

After all, my tsunami had come to an end. I prayed, cried, praised and worshipped my way through. I chased after God and wouldn’t let go until He blessed me. I knew that there were seeds planted inside of me just waiting to sprout and I had to move past the darkness in order to produce.

I. Am. Good. Soil.

This is my reminder that as I step into my 38th year on this earth on March, 14, 2019, that I am amazing and I can do ALL things through Christ who lives in me!

SDG❣️

Puppet Master

In my 37th year of life I have learned that God is am amazing puppet master. As I sit here and start to write this post, I envision all areas of my life being held up by these thin translucent strings moving according to my obedience or lack thereof. I am imaginging that the elasticity of the strings depends on my willingness to move the way God has designed. Sometimes the masters handles tilt and my limbs movements are a result of my yielding, hesitation or me placing more weight on a particular area. Other times, the strings are weighed down so heavy by my bad decisions or indecision that they lose their elasticity or snap all together. In those cases, God, the ultimate puppet master has to come down and lovingly reattach me where I am broken.

“He is watching you from above, waiting for you to learn the lesson.”

Do you ever notice how situations in your life repeat themselves? Every time the lesson has to be repeated, it gets worse, more intense and hurts more. I have had that happen to me a few times in recent years and I swear that I know take lessons over pain. There is nothing worse to me than a bought lesson. I have made my life so much easier by learning the lesson on the first go round. When I look at the pretty fire in the house window, it’s a wrap. I am not going to touch any door knobs to see if they are hot.

“He’s preparing & strengthening you for what you have prayed for.”

Do you know how often we pray for things and then BOOM💥, at test/trial comes our way and we fold. We cry, ‘why me?’ Or think God is mad at us. When the truth is, we asked for more, increase, elevation. No matter how many times I’ve tried to fast track my dreams, I always get hit with the ‘hurry up and wait’! I have always desired a leadership role, but I shy away from conflict and conflict resolution. I am super sensitive and take all constructive criticism personally. That was until the Lord started giving me the desires of my heart, showing me the end game, but making me journey through the wilderness to get the prize. Guess what’s in my wilderness? A lot of conflict resolution. I can’t quit the blog, so when the feedback is less than positive or discouraging to me, I have to keep going. In my friendships I’ve been an understudy and when the wonderful humans in my life ‘read me’, I deal and make adjustments. In my fairytale relationship, I live real life where we talk though our differences instead of me trying to take flight.

“Learn the lesson, sit in silence, and give Him back His power.”

When you surrender and submit to God, He sets up a hedge of protection around you so that you succeed. I am currently in this stage of life! I am out here winning. I gave God my yes and He is opening doors and making ways. I learn to regroup and listen to the silence in which I find solace and direction. I repent and surrender daily. He has an amazing path laid out for me. There are people and things throughout this maze of life that push me back on the right track almost immediately, when I go astray.

Basically, I have learned that no matter how my limbs disobeyed or strayed away from those translucent strings that want to move me according to His will, once I surrendered, I always ended up exactly where He meant for me to be. Now, I let the fight to go against His will leave me, because I have no more time to waste!

Will you yield to God, the ultimate puppet master?

 

Couch Beach

There is a stigma around counseling, psychologist and psychiatrists. People are ashamed to take care of their mental and behavorial health. I have heard people say that they don’t need anyone. My Truth understands that we were not created to do life alone.

Take a figurative journey with me as I interpret a suitable helper to be a person (friend, family member, coworker, acquaintance or professional).

Once a month, I visit Couch Beach! That is, I relax on a couch in my therapist, Jesse’s office and let all of my cares float through the air, releasing all stress and strain. I mean, on a beach, that’s what I’d do. I would venture into the water and then lay around to recharge, relax and get grounded. When I leave Jesse’s office, I feel like I have left the beach.

I have had a therapist since 2012. I think it’s important to vet your therapist, my first one was not a good match for me. Luckily for me, the second one was the charm. I often say to others, “Get you a Jesse!”

As a strong woman. As the go to person in my family. As the fixer and backbone in many situations, I needed to talk to someone that I could be 100% vulnerable with. I have the very best of friends, yet I was so ashamed to let them know that I did not have it all together.

When I decided that I no longer wanted to be married in 2012, I called and made a behavorial health appointment. Sitting in the waiting room, I was terrified and nervous. I thought people in the waiting room were judging me, thinking I had issues. Then I realized, we were all in the same waiting room!

Therapy took me through 1st divorce filing, extensive work traveling, mom passing, changing jobs, 2nd divorce filing and actual divorce, dad passing and now we are in survival of the fittest. Depending on where I am in life, I see Jesse once a week or once a month. I’ll never forget the time that I showed up a week early for an appointment, but as luck would have it, someone cancelled and he was free to see me. I’ve even called for emergency appointments and phone consultations. You see, when you get hit with social anxiety and abandonment issues, somebody has to remind you of the goodness that you are. I even go to my sessions for maintenance when I think nothing is wrong.

Don’t mistake any of this for me not having Jesus on the main line. I pray and cry. I praise and worship. I study and practice kingdom living. I have a friend that is a catholic priest. I have direct lines to evangelists and prohphets. I am in an Elizabeth and Mary friendship. Trust me on this, there is room in our lives for therapists. Human connection helps clear our minds, overcome depression, and strategize conflict resolution. Jesus knows about my therapist and my therapist knows about my God.

This amazing combination is the reason I am where I am today. I can tell when I am in my 4th week before therapy because things tend to get heavy. I walk in to the behavorial health clinic with the world on my shoulders and walk out of the office like a lioness that just walked out of the prayer closet. Let me reiterate, there are times that I go to therapy thinking nothing is wrong and that the visit is just a check in, but soon realize that I have been suppressing something and get delivered. If you are thinking you need a nonbiased person to talk to, just make the appointment.

What are your thoughts on recieving behavorial and mental health?

What would hinder you from seeking a psychologist/psychiatrists?

What benefits have you seen by engaging with a trained behavorial or mental health professional?

 I have joy, peace and happiness. In all instances I am my unfiltered, unaltered self. I am free to be me. It’s how I am free to write this blog that shares my experiences. Transparency is neccessary. I was given this mountain to show others that it can be moved. Why let life weigh you down when you can carve out some time and head to Couch Beach?!