Sometimes we simply aren’t ready. Sometimes it just isn’t our time yet. Sometimes the battle has to be fought differently. Sometimes a delay to us is positioning… Read more “Pump Your Brakes”
Time. How do you measure it? Do you place timing on your blessings? On your purpose? The beginning of Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
To me, this speaks process. Life is about process. My life is about radical obedience and process. I have been deliberately sowing very specific seeds to reap a harvest according the promises and purpose on my life. I can’t wait to share all of my blessings, but you have to “Wait Until The Finale” (blog post coming soon🤫). My focus is on taking the time to be present during the process.
Consider your goals. Just like starting out in college, we declare a major. That major is our goal. To obtain a degree in that major, we are given a curriculum that lays out pre-requirements to get to core classes— this is your path. Though you know the end result is your specific degree, you see the goal, and you know how to get there, but you can’t just snap your fingers and arrive there. You have to follow the process and “Take The Stairs!”
Process dictates that we go through a series of steps in order to achieve a particular end. Process takes patience and determination. You have to remind yourself of the promise or goal and not give up. Easier said than done, I know. Here are a few of the stairs I climb:
- Identifying the Promise
- Enduring the Process
- Respecting the Timing
- Fueling the Desire
- Achieving the Promise
The middle three are interchangable for me depending on the promise. When you know what the promise is, it’s hard to be patient and wait…. at least it is for me. I tend to think that I was born with acceleration as my spirit animal. I am impatient and always ready to make something happen. I have been in this place before where I was pressed to meet my goal and derailed my train. I was able to get the train back on the tracks, but that was also a process. Basically, I ended up with a process inside of a process —– that was stressful.
Here’s what I have learned: ENJOY THE PROCESS and let things take their course. I found that the greatest blessings come from being present in the moment. I am able to see smiles, learn new things, foster meaningful relationships. I stop and smell the roses.
Here’s what I plan to get out of taking the stairs: FULFILLMENT. I want to know what success looks and feels like. I want to know what it feels and means to be in love. I want to have that sigh of relief when the goal is achieved and know that I put in the work. I know that I will get weary, but I will keep on swimming.
What about you? How do you conquor the stairs of your goals? Do you believe in timing? Do you believe that things happen because you force them to?
My path has many pavers:
- How to build your faith
- How to start from the bottom
- How to handle heartbreak and broken trust
- How to grieve tough losses
- How to love like Jesus
- How to lead
- How to keep your smile and find joy
- How to be a humble servant
- How to know your role
- How to press into the presence of God
- How to listen
- How to be patient and wait
- There are more and they will manifest through this blog.
- People watch you on your path and when similar obstacles arise in their lives, they ask questions and for advice. Share you experiences and remind them that things do differ by individual. I’m focused on the ups and fighting through the downs. I know grief and loss. I can talk to you about embracing it and healing from it. I know joy and peace. I can talk to you about centering in it.
- Bottom line: your path is a testimony or example for others. Someone, somewhere is waiting on you to share your story so they can have a breakthrough or get confirmation that they path they are on is right. Use your pavers to teach someone else how to build a path!
Show Up with the mindset that everything is a teachable experience and your outlook starts to shift. You’ll start to notice new things and those things will make your heart smile. You’ll get more comfortable “entering the room” and become braver!
Showing up has paid me big dividends. I was leery initially. Telling myself that I was just going to pop in and say ‘hi’ or only stay an hour but then… I’d Show Up, relax and enjoy myself and most cases stay the entire time.
Now I try to Show Up to everything! People that are genuinely “for you” or “your people” are excited when you show up. Their smiles get a little bigger. Their voices go up an octave when the greet you! I’ve developed so many meaningful relationship over the past few years just because “I Showed Up!”
Dividends of Showing Up:
- Rise in endorphins
- New experiences
- Meet new people
- Build relationships
- Learning likes and dislikes
- What to NOT do again
- How people really view you
- Going to bed with a smile on your face
- Self awareness and confidence
- Extroversion practice
- The experience itself
- Fight against your desire to decline an invitation for fear of being uncomfortable. Only decline if your gut tells you to. When you show up, be present. Push past your boundaries. Smile and talk with people, especially the ones that feel like sunshine!
- My advice for you today : SHOW UP!
I told y’all about ‘Surviving May’ and then just after I took this picture above, I posted ‘Let It Go!’ For all intents and purposes since 2013, the month of May is a bag of lemons, but my Guardian Angel Debbie squeezes those lemons and makes her babygirl some delicious lemonade. That lemonade is made at her mama, Grandma Earlene’s house.
May 23rd (the day I buried my mom in 2013) is always self care day and I decided that I’d get a haircut and then hop on over to get a mani-pedi. I’ve always wanted yellow polish but thought that was unprofessional. Not today, I’m going for it. After all, You Only Live Once and I vow to live with NO regrets. As I was wrapping up, I realized I hungry. I was talking myself into going home for the last of Sunday’s leftovers until I realized that the road I was driving on leads to Grandma’s house! That’s right y’all- I went to Grandma Earlene’s house! When life hands me lemons, I always end up at Grandma’s house!
I had such an amazing evening of watching TV with my Grandma and Uncle Jr, watching the neighbors, exchanging juicy gossip, laughing and letting my soul heal itself. Where there is love, light and laughter is where we should be in hard times.
All of our stories and struggles are different. All of our souls should have different ways to heal themselves. All of our lemons make different versions of lemonade. Mine happens to include family and friends. Yours may start with self discovery, coworkers, children, yoga, journaling, walking, reading, meditating, or praying.
Don’t stay a sour lemon, make the lemonade.
May 16, 2013, is a day I will never forget. Family and close friends gathered to share my moms last moments. Three of my best friends (Princess, Frenae and LeAnne) took turns with me at the hospital that day. We’d moved in Lil Debbie’s room and closed out the night watching the season finale of Scandal.
Deborah Eileen Williams was as loving, kind, caring, beautiful, intelligent and silly as women come. A true nurturer and the reason that my heart actually beats. My daddy always called her bull-headed, so I knew as long as I stayed in that hospital room with her, that she’d keep fighting to stay alive. There was no way she going to transition with me around. Scandal wrapped, we packed up our dinner and I kissed my mommy on the cheek. With a shaky voice I whispered in her ear and told her that I understood. That I loved her more than life, but after all she was a bird and I had to let her fly. No sooner than I made it home that night, my daddy called and said, ” You must’ve just made it home, she’s gone.” With the finality of that statement we wished each other goodnight.
I have always acknowledged the broken-heartedness of losing my mother and my struggle since her passing. Celebrations and holidays heighten my sensitivity to her absence in the flesh. It wasn’t until this past Sunday (May 13th) that I realized how intently I have to press into another dimension of myself to acknowledge my Grandmother, Sisters, Nieces, Cousins, Friends and Bonus Moms on Mother’s Day. These women that surround me are my Shero’s and deserve to be celebrated. I felt so selfish closing myself off and not even wishing them a Happy Mother’s Day. Thanking them for all that they are to their children and families and those around them, but also to me as the wind beneath my wings. I cried as I sent each message knowing that some people don’t send or receive these greetings.
Full Transparency: May 1st-23rd is when I’d like to hibernate. I want my introvertedness to be acknowledged and respected. I just want to chill in my element with thoughts of such a wonderful lady and imagine she and I are sipping iced tea, sitting on a swing snuggled up talking about any and everything our hearts desire. What really happens is that My Guardian Angel Debbie sends people to sit with me or force me to participate in activities and I am never alone 🙂
Lesson Learned: It’s on this morning that the Holy Spirit showed me why God is no respecter of time. These past 5 years have flown by in other areas of my life, but it seems like an eternity that I’ve been without my mommy.
Nugget of Advice: While I do not speak for all motherless children, some of us want you to know that it’s OK to just let us be. It’s OK to be a silent presence and send up a silent prayer. We don’t need you to fix us or be religious. That’s how we end up throwing the whole friend away!
Be human. Be normal. Be a presence. Be love. Most of all, Be you.
… Missing my best girl, but I know she is with me!
Sometimes it feels like we have been swept under a tidal wave of situations or circumstances. I was literally just thinking, what’s wrong in my life today? What’s my struggle? Am I really OK?!
I AM! I AM OK!
I am not in crisis. Sure there are a few things straggling that need to be addressed, that’s life. I am not heartbroken. I am not jobless. I am not friendless. I am not loveless (this has nothing to do with ‘being in love’ or in a relationship. #GetYouAFriend). I am not lifeless.
I am literally, OK. After a 5 year season of heartbreak and recovery I am in a season of OK! Would you believe that being OK CAN BE OVERWHELMING! I know what I touch will prosper. I know that what I focus on will develop. That’s the overwhelming part. That I can do any and everything that my heart desires. I no longer have a list of desires, I have a scroll.
We are so often burdened by issues that when there are none, we seek them out. I found myself testing God this past week. Trying to create issues for myself but just as He always is, He was faithful and just to protect me from myself.
I am here to simply share this :
STOP…making something out of nothing.
STOP…finding reasons for contention.
Let life be. I am convinced that the OK season is designed to allow us to reflect on what we have overcome, after all hindsight IS 20/20.