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Friends?

Friends, how many of us have them? Not everyone.

I am convinced that we aren’t meant to do life alone. We need wise counsel. Someone to call and bounce our ideas off of. Someone to talk us off the ledge. Someone to keep us from making a big mistake.

I recall people telling me that they don’t have any friends, and that hurt my heart. There are people that have been hurt, scorned or have a learned behavior based on solitude. I remember posting on Facebook, “We are meant to be in relationship with others!” and someone responded, “I don’t think you need people in your life. I don’t have any friends.”

You don’t think you need friends? This puzzled me because it’s not an experience of mine. My circle of friends has changed in size and stature, but my soul ties still remain. 

You do. You do need friends. I am not convinced that it is healthy do life alone. Friends provide accountability and support. They whisper your hearts song back to you when you have forgotten. 

You need friends to provide counsel and confidants.

If you are a person that has trouble meeting trustworthy people or sustaining meaningful relationships, may I suggest that you pray for the right people be sent into your life at the right time and that you recognize them when they come.

If you are a person that has people that don’t clap for you when you are winning or try and help you when life has brought you down to your knees,  you need to let them go! Get a new friend. A whole new friend!

When people outside of my circle see me, they see the polished version of me. They see my anointing. What they don’t see are the people holding me up and keeping me accountable for my growth, passion and purpose.

The public doesn’t see the text messages and phone calls that are made while I am battling the storms of life. Nor do you see my friends on social media talking about, “ugh, here she goes being all extra with her problems.” This is because I prayed for a circle of friends that don’t require cameras in the locker room until it’s time to celebrate our win!

The Lord grants the desires of our hearts. Just as he sends mentors, leaders, significant others, jobs, financial breakthroughs, He will also send friends. All you have to do is ask!!!

 

 #SDG

What Energy Do You Bring?

Why is the energy that you bring into a room so significant? It’s because it’s your identifier. I didn’t understand that until I was smartly redesigned to a development opportunity at work last month. My manager looked at me, smiled and in summation said, “I moved you to this group because there’s a difficult task ahead and we felt like, since everyone loves working with you, you’d be able to handle it and cheer the people up that are already in this group.”

The humans in my department call me “smiley.” At 38 years old, I am still a kid at heart. I sing. I dance. I am random. I giggle, but if something is really funny, I snort. I ask lots of questions. I make faces. I laugh out loud. I am up beat. I am optimistic. I am loving. I am caring. I am compassionate. I let my light shine so that everyone can see the God in me. All of this is who I am, but I am not limited to these things. These things are my personality. They are my energy.

So, when I attended a meeting earlier this week, I was stuck in a social tragedy, and appeared distracted and withdrawn. I felt like this meeting went on forever. No sooner than the last Excel cell was filled in and the meeting concluded, the 13 people in the room shifted their attention to me and asked, “what was wrong?” I was totally thrown off and responded, “Nothing at all, I am fine.” In unison, they retorted, “You are not!” See, my energy was off. I didn’t make a peep or crack a smile. My off energy or lack there of, threw off the energy in the room, thus making this meeting painful for more than just me.

I said all of that to say this, your energy precedes you. We spend so much of our time at work and we want employment enjoyment. It can be hard to read the energy in the room sometimes, and though it’s important to do that you should also bring your own energy. And the positive kind. I like to think of my energy as a cool breeze on a warm summer day that makes you tilt your chin upwards, smile, take a deep breath and pause while fostering a spirit of excellence, cohesiveness, inclusion, positivity and being results driven. This way, when you aren’t in the room, your energy will speak for you.

When your energy is good, people remember you. Your name comes up. Your name will be in rooms that your feet haven’t even touched yet. Allowing the God energy, the positive energy to shine through comes in handy when it’s time to elevate you. Remember this: David had good energy. He was either sent to or sent for as he elevated to king. Be mindful of your energy.

#SDG

Not Yet, You Are Hidden

The last post that I wrote was, “Not Yet!” Immediately, I felt like there was so much more to write about that I told my niece, Brandi Boo, I was going to write a Part 2. Well, here it goes.

I cannot explain to anyone how I feel right now or what’s going on. What I know is that I keep crying. Everything makes me cry. I am sensitive, just a ball of emotions. Like all over the place.

To be a clear, I am ready! Or, at least I think I am. Ready for what? I am so glad you asked. Ready to thrive! But, I’m hidden and I know it. Being hidden has so much to do with building your faithfulness and consistency. It is also about helping you hone your skills and develop a confidence in your delivery.

I am a firm believer that there’s an undeniable breakdown before an undeniable breakthrough. Here’s a conversation between me & Boo.

First, let me say this. You can learn from anyone. I am at least 15 years older than her and she dropped these nuggets of knowledge and wisdom on me.

Second, Brandi Boo reminded me that no matter what it FEELS like, God is right here with me in the valley while He is preparing a place for me.

Third, how encouraging and truthful. Don’t fall into a comparison trap. None of us have the same destiny. While things may be similar, they won’t be the same.

Fourth, It’s my reminder that your gift will make room for you.

The advantage that I have over anyone else, is that I am ME!

Here’s where I am going with this post. If you are in a holding pattern, ask yourself what else is there for you to learn, grow or perfect? Are you being faithful in the place you are in? Are you showing up on time? Are you doing your work and not expecting anyone else to do it for you. You may be sharing your gift with 5 or 500 people, but are you consistent and dependable? What is your reputation? What do the reports about you say? Search yourself and see what you can do to become better in your personal arena.

Transparency moment as I measure Me against Me: I need to work on consistency. I have a great gift to share. The reports and my reputation are favorable. I have a list of things that will grow me and I need to make time to invest in them, in me. Do the work so that when the Lord makes it happen, I won’t be trying to find my way, I’ll already be on the path. The breakthrough is just around the corner, but for now, I’m hidden!

#SDG

Surviving May

A year ago, I wrote, “Surviving May.” It’s about my mom and how I’ve managed since her passing.

This May is different. This day is different.

I was making tea and smiling, thinking of My Sunshine and then cried because I can’t call my best girl to talk about this amazing love.

I walked into a brick wall today. Very aware of the day’s arrival, yet hoping… to be more celebratory than sad.

May 16, 2013, is a day I will never forget. Family and close friends gathered to share my moms last moments. Three of my best friends (Princess, Frenae and LeAnne) took turns with me at the hospital that day. We’d moved in Lil Debbie’s room and closed out the night watching the season finale of Scandal.

Deborah Eileen Williams was as loving, kind, caring, beautiful, intelligent and silly as women come. A true nurturer and the reason that my heart actually beats. My daddy always called her bull-headed, so I knew as long as I stayed in that hospital room with her, that she’d keep fighting to stay alive. There was no way she going to transition with me around. Scandal wrapped, we packed up our dinner and I kissed my mommy on the cheek. With a shaky voice I whispered in her ear and told her that I understood…

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Not Yet?

Waiting is taboo. With everything in life at our finger tips, our patience is truly thin. I’ve had to wait, let things take their course. Things take time, for some reason no one thinks they have time to give, but you do.

Rushing things leaves us open for missteps that can cause detours that will extend the time for us to get the outcome we are looking for.

I am convinced that the blessing or the curse are equal in the time they take. Whether you want the blessing or the curse depends on how you decide to bide the time.

We hear so many things: Delay is not denial. Patiently wait. Everything takes time. Don’t rush. Slow down. Trust the process.

We must trust God, even when the answer is “not yet.”

Here’s why. There is an overall picture for our lives. Sometimes we are looking through a close up lense when we need to switch to a wide angle lense. Our vision in the present situation does not always account for the expected end. I am in a “not yet” season, kind of like an aircraft circling the airport waiting on the OK to land and a gate number to pull up to.

Here’s what’s funny. I know exactly where I am going, but I have no idea what I am going to do when I get there. I was ready to go in January (and the January before that), but there was a “not yet.” I started exploring different paths, you know, what will I do next? I threw out a bunch of darts and nothing stuck. I was like visa, everywhere I thought I should be. The Lord said, “not yet.” So instead of allowing discouragement to overtake me, I decided to purify my heart. I started saying out loud, “Lord, I trust you! What’s the lesson? What should I be doing in my waiting period?”

When I surrendered control, I started to see how the “not yet” was preparing me for the intended end of this life’s level and how I’d be able to propel to the next. The “not yet” is getting me ready to fight on another level. It’s more wisdom. It’s more love. It’s more stability. It’s more discernment. It’s more, more, more…. So much more support and guidance.

I’ll leave you with this. I have fought long and tirelessly to get to a place in my life where goodness and mercy are ever present, where there’s tons of sunshine! I woke up one morning, ready to pull myself out of my “not yet,” meaning I was going to MAKE something happen. As sure as the stars shine at night, regardless of whether or not you can see them, the Holy Spirit said to me, ” I go before you to prepare the place and it’s not ready yet. If you go before me, it’ll happen but it will be so much harder and stressful. You will struggle. If you wait, the place will exceed your wildest dreams!”

…………. If you are wondering what I decided? I am dancing in my “not yet”. I feel the sunshine. I see God in everything.

#SDG

I’d Do Anything For ME!

I’d do anything for me, but I used to didn’t. (Read that again)

I used to put everyone else’s needs before mine.

Really, I used to.

But, I don’t anymore.

Why did I stop? Well, I am glad you asked. And really, the answer is very simple. I love myself enough to know that I can’t pour from an empty cup! And I know this, because I’ve tried. ALOT!

We do a lot of self care talk these days. Life overwhelms us. We struggle mentally and emotionally with our own issues, ones that others project on us, and even ones that we shoulder the burden of because we are compassionate and hate to see others struggle. Our physical man has health concerns that we have to work through.

As a result, we end up back at ground zero. Back at finding our joy. Our Peace. Getting back on right track. Drinking more water. Making healthier food choices. Finding a boot camp or group exercise class. Going to see a doctor.

What exactly would I do for myself? Well, I am very glad that you asked.

I will tell you no. I will decline your invitation. I will sit in silence. I will take a nap. I will binge watch tv for an entire day. I will stay home for a day. I will book a trip. I will call my best friends so that I can giggle. I will get a mani pedi. I will buy a dress. I will do what ever is necessary to make myself happy and that’s not limited to not participating in conversations that don’t uplift me and walking away from tables when love is no longer being served.

And, here’s why. Nobody, I mean, NOBODY is responsible for you, but you! So, do what fills your cup. Refresh and reset in a way that allows your spark to grow into a zest for life. Take the trip or take the nap. Make the phone call, the salad or the cake. Take the class. Shoot your shot. Whatever you need to do. But commit to yourself because self care is YOUR divine responsibility. Be careful with you.

How will you care for yourself?

#SDG