The Other “B” Words

The scenarios replay over and over. Did this really just happen? Did they really just do that?! My Sunshine, Marlon, always describes betrayal as “Forget your chick and the click you claim!” This is a PG excerpt from “Hit Em Up” by that great philosopher, Tupac Shakur.

Here’s my thing, people with huge hearts, that love unconditionally, that pour wisdom and invest themselves in the advancement of others really FEEL betrayal. I’m equating betrayal to fire that shot up in my bones while an elephant has one leg on my chest, and I can’t jump up and run. You are forced to sit in it, deal with it and process it before it walks away from you, leaving you puzzled about what to do next.

Here’s what I’ve found out about betrayal, it’s a blessing. Consider this… you have been praying and believing God for something in your life. That something could be tied to the betrayer. You prayed and cried asking the Lord to remove people, places and things that aren’t like Him so that you can receive His promises and BOOM 💥————- YOU HAVE BEEN BETRAYED!

Reflect on what you’ve been praying for. Time? Increase in finances or prosperity? Debt forgiveness? Better health? How to step into your passion or purpose? Increase in self esteem? A path to self care or self love? Supportive friendships? A healthy, equally yoked relationship?

Now, think of the betrayal. Is it directly tied to or did it make the space and opportunity for your blessing to move in? For you to start to move into that space that fulfills your dreams? The betrayals against me did. What held me back, frankly sometimes what holds me back is not recognizing this, trying to make sense of betrayal and not seeing the blessing!

I promise on everything that is within me, betrayal is a blessing. My close friends wonder why I don’t argue (speak up) when something happens . . . I learned to go straight to Jesus. Like, “Hey 👋🏾, it’s me Jesus. What IS HAPPENING!? What’s the rhyme or reason behind this mess, but more importantly, WHAT are you trying to teach me?! This ain’t cool. That was bogus, but I trust you Lord!”

I am a few days past the most recent incident and when I got to the end of this post, is when the Holy Spirit reminded me that I asked to clear debt and move into prosperity. I prayed that anything hindering me from making it to the next level and moving in God’s purpose in my life be released from me. I didn’t anticipate betrayal in this fashion. I blinked 7 times and saw the blessing!

Be encouraged. Before you boss up on the Betrayal, look for the Blessing!

I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.

He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.

“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”

Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.

I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.

Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.

There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.

I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!

So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)

Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.

Be The Bigger Person

I never took into account the amount of effort that it takes to be the bigger person. You really have to step outside of yourself! These past few months, someone that didn’t exactly do right by me has leaned on me to help them process life’s events similar to ones I’m on the other side of.

While I am emotional, sensitive, empathetic and nurturing, I am human and hold pain, regret and grudges. The nurturer in me wants to do everything in my power to make things right and help, but I struggle at times and find myself judging those that wronged me, wanting them to feel pain or hurt. If the person ‘in need’ hasn’t always been truthful with me and has a tainted reputation, my first reaction is ‘screw them!’ I find myself reverting back to what I know about their past behavior and producing my past reactions which amount to “Ain’t NOBODY got time for this!”

Matter of fact, I have helped them before but I am now struggling with the reciprocity. Why is it that I’m always giving and they are just taking? As I am writing this, in the exact moment after that last sentence the Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me, ” That when you do for others, don’t expect anything from them. Know that your blessings will come from me.” That’s HUGE and I am doing my best not to cry. While I know that my grief journey and transitioning to my new normal is to help others make it through, sometimes I want to be selfish. I want to protect my feelings and heart from being used or disappointed. However, I know that by sharing how I made it over, it symbolizes the hope that others will find to help with their navigation of this new process.

Be supportive to a person that places you on the shelf like a priceless novel and only takes you down when they need a word. Be selfless! Be great! Be a blessing! Be humble!

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Let Your Heart Break

As I sat talking to my therapist, J.L., he told me to give in to the emotions. To feel them, acknowledge them but don’t stay in that place. It took some time, but alone in my home… I got down on my knees and told the Lord that I’d had enough. That I was taking regret, grief, loss, betrayal, mischief and abandonment and giving it all to HIM. I turned on Tasha Cobbs Leonard, Gracefully Broken and Forever At Your Feet and . . . I let my heart break.

Each day thereafter brought new challenges, feelings, and emotions. I vowed to stand strong and fight for my healing. I didn’t put a piece back in place until It healed.

I had to do the work! I had to learn to say “No” to things that no longer served me and that “No” is a complete sentence. I had to pay attention to those around me that loved me and believed in me, God was using them to help mend me. Most importantly the Lord used our quiet time and my tears to water seeds of wholeness, strength, love and purpose that He needed to bring out of me.

Trust me. Trust yourself. Trust the Lord. Let Your Heart Break. I promise it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and I love who I’ve become.