The Other “B” Words

The scenarios replay over and over. Did this really just happen? Did they really just do that?! My Sunshine, Marlon, always describes betrayal as “Forget your chick and the click you claim!” This is a PG excerpt from “Hit Em Up” by that great philosopher, Tupac Shakur.

Here’s my thing, people with huge hearts, that love unconditionally, that pour wisdom and invest themselves in the advancement of others really FEEL betrayal. I’m equating betrayal to fire that shot up in my bones while an elephant has one leg on my chest, and I can’t jump up and run. You are forced to sit in it, deal with it and process it before it walks away from you, leaving you puzzled about what to do next.

Here’s what I’ve found out about betrayal, it’s a blessing. Consider this… you have been praying and believing God for something in your life. That something could be tied to the betrayer. You prayed and cried asking the Lord to remove people, places and things that aren’t like Him so that you can receive His promises and BOOM 💥————- YOU HAVE BEEN BETRAYED!

Reflect on what you’ve been praying for. Time? Increase in finances or prosperity? Debt forgiveness? Better health? How to step into your passion or purpose? Increase in self esteem? A path to self care or self love? Supportive friendships? A healthy, equally yoked relationship?

Now, think of the betrayal. Is it directly tied to or did it make the space and opportunity for your blessing to move in? For you to start to move into that space that fulfills your dreams? The betrayals against me did. What held me back, frankly sometimes what holds me back is not recognizing this, trying to make sense of betrayal and not seeing the blessing!

I promise on everything that is within me, betrayal is a blessing. My close friends wonder why I don’t argue (speak up) when something happens . . . I learned to go straight to Jesus. Like, “Hey 👋🏾, it’s me Jesus. What IS HAPPENING!? What’s the rhyme or reason behind this mess, but more importantly, WHAT are you trying to teach me?! This ain’t cool. That was bogus, but I trust you Lord!”

I am a few days past the most recent incident and when I got to the end of this post, is when the Holy Spirit reminded me that I asked to clear debt and move into prosperity. I prayed that anything hindering me from making it to the next level and moving in God’s purpose in my life be released from me. I didn’t anticipate betrayal in this fashion. I blinked 7 times and saw the blessing!

Be encouraged. Before you boss up on the Betrayal, look for the Blessing!

I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.

He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.

“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”

Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.

I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.

Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.

There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.

I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!

So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)

Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.