Sunday, May 31, 2020. I was all over the place and couldn’t figure out why. I cried over the simplest of things. That’s what happens when my… Read more “Fighting to be Embraced”
I have been reminded several times this year that I can’t trust my feelings. My feelings are often based on matters of the heart and they cloud my judgement so I must Face the Facts. As twisted as it sounds, the fact is that my feelings have been hurt.
The facts give you a firm grasp of what you are up against so you can figure out how to effectively move forward. When you are building, growing, elevating, transitioning, you often feel delayed, behind, and overlooked. I have found that the Lord gives me ‘Path Pavers‘ and I fiddle to my goals, and over time I have learned to get back to the facts and not make moves based off of my feelings.
We search for feedback as we strive to reach our goals. That feedback is the news or the update on how we are progressing and we have to use discernment to separate the facts and the feelings.
Facing the Facts:
No news is bad news. If you don’t know what you are up against, then you cannot be effective. You need the facts, the root of the situation and an understanding of what the outcome should be. You don’t know where you stand if there is no news, and that’s bad.
Bad news is good news. It’s all in how you view a thing. Once I started looking at bad news as growth and opportunity to do better, increase, learn more… it quickly transitioned into good news.
Good news is no news. Just means you did the thing the right way. That you have a grasp on the facts, and you understood and met the goal.
Our feelings should be acknowledged, tracked back to the fact they are tied to and properly dealt with, but not be the driving force behind our actions. Learn the power in a pause. Watch how things change as you base decisions less off of emotion and more off of facts!
Accountable. Responsible. Obedient. Believe. These words are all one in the same to me. You must take ownership of your situation in your life. If you are an entrepreneur, or in management at your company, you must take ownership of your situation there. As people, we own the work that we do and the path that we take. You must believe in yourself. If something in your area of responsibility is broken, no matter what it may be, you should quickly take steps to fix it.
We all have dreams. What we have to remember is that the dream is OURS. That we hold the responsibility for making those dreams come true. We can have a support system, but ultimately it is our responsibility to make the dream come true. A huge part of believing in the dream is believing in yourself. You can achieve it, if you believe it.
Often the best and most rewarding decision you can make is to stay the course even when it would be simpler to turn and walk away. You have to find a system that works for you. You also have to have accountability partners. In this 38th year of my life, I finally have that all worked out. My partners are the sweetest, kindest people I know and they softly speak to my soul with encouragement. Words of affirmation and kind acts are my love language, so this system works well for me.
Let’s be honest, it is also a great help to have someone that believes in you while you chase your dreams. Someone that will sing your hearts song back to you when the going gets tough. I have previously posted “Friends?” I am convinced that we are not meant to do life alone. It is not always our qualifications on paper that help us get to the things we want to do, there are people we network with that pull or push us along.
Believe in yourself enough for the impossible to occur. Be accountable to yourself, to your dreams. Don’t let YOU back off from doing the things you want to do, qualified or not. Period!
I am fortunate enough to attend Central Missionary Baptist Church of Detroit, MI where, Robert E. Bolden, I, is Pastor. Currently our Midweek Oasis (Tuesday night Bible class) Series is on the topic of Healthy Habits. One of these nights, Pastor Bolden (or PB as we know him) told us that little changes add up to big changes and that’s how you conquer change and create new habits. Then we wrote down 3 things that we wanted to change on a card and turned them in before we left the service. Our homework was to go home and make a list of what little things we could do to help us achieve the three things that we placed on the card. I have no doubt that PB has been praying over our lists and this teaching has really stuck with me.
Here’s the profound example that PB shared. A plane was leaving Los Angeles, CA heading to New York, New York. If the pilot turned the nose 3 degrees south upon departure from LA, over time it would change the trajectory of the plane to land in Washington DC. Consider that something as small as 3 degrees could do that!
Now imagine, changing your lunch meal on Thursday one week. Then the next week changing lunch on Thursday and Friday. Or, going to the gym one day a week and walking for 10 minutes then increasing your increments each week or each time you walk. Over time you will have made small steps that add up to change over time.
I think we get side tracked like the memes below:
Baby steps are not mutually exclusive to changing your eating habits or working out. It could be about learning something new at work, a new language, a new hobby, arts and crafts, essentially anything! I was so moved by this teaching that I am taking baby steps in several areas of my life and I don’t feel overwhelmed. I feel successful. I feel like I can finally be successful moving forward because all of my baby steps will combine to make great progress!
I hope you count your baby steps as small victories and move forward!
Friends, how many of us have them? Not everyone.
I am convinced that we aren’t meant to do life alone. We need wise counsel. Someone to call and bounce our ideas off of. Someone to talk us off the ledge. Someone to keep us from making a big mistake.
I recall people telling me that they don’t have any friends, and that hurt my heart. There are people that have been hurt, scorned or have a learned behavior based on solitude. I remember posting on Facebook, “We are meant to be in relationship with others!” and someone responded, “I don’t think you need people in your life. I don’t have any friends.”
You don’t think you need friends? This puzzled me because it’s not an experience of mine. My circle of friends has changed in size and stature, but my soul ties still remain.
You do. You do need friends. I am not convinced that it is healthy do life alone. Friends provide accountability and support. They whisper your hearts song back to you when you have forgotten.
You need friends to provide counsel and confidants.
If you are a person that has trouble meeting trustworthy people or sustaining meaningful relationships, may I suggest that you pray for the right people be sent into your life at the right time and that you recognize them when they come.
If you are a person that has people that don’t clap for you when you are winning or try and help you when life has brought you down to your knees, you need to let them go! Get a new friend. A whole new friend!
When people outside of my circle see me, they see the polished version of me. They see my anointing. What they don’t see are the people holding me up and keeping me accountable for my growth, passion and purpose.
The public doesn’t see the text messages and phone calls that are made while I am battling the storms of life. Nor do you see my friends on social media talking about, “ugh, here she goes being all extra with her problems.” This is because I prayed for a circle of friends that don’t require cameras in the locker room until it’s time to celebrate our win!
The Lord grants the desires of our hearts. Just as he sends mentors, leaders, significant others, jobs, financial breakthroughs, He will also send friends. All you have to do is ask!!!
The last post that I wrote was, “Not Yet!” Immediately, I felt like there was so much more to write about that I told my niece, Brandi Boo, I was going to write a Part 2. Well, here it goes.
I cannot explain to anyone how I feel right now or what’s going on. What I know is that I keep crying. Everything makes me cry. I am sensitive, just a ball of emotions. Like all over the place.
To be a clear, I am ready! Or, at least I think I am. Ready for what? I am so glad you asked. Ready to thrive! But, I’m hidden and I know it. Being hidden has so much to do with building your faithfulness and consistency. It is also about helping you hone your skills and develop a confidence in your delivery.
I am a firm believer that there’s an undeniable breakdown before an undeniable breakthrough. Here’s a conversation between me & Boo.
First, let me say this. You can learn from anyone. I am at least 15 years older than her and she dropped these nuggets of knowledge and wisdom on me.
Second, Brandi Boo reminded me that no matter what it FEELS like, God is right here with me in the valley while He is preparing a place for me.
Third, how encouraging and truthful. Don’t fall into a comparison trap. None of us have the same destiny. While things may be similar, they won’t be the same.
Fourth, It’s my reminder that your gift will make room for you.
The advantage that I have over anyone else, is that I am ME!
Here’s where I am going with this post. If you are in a holding pattern, ask yourself what else is there for you to learn, grow or perfect? Are you being faithful in the place you are in? Are you showing up on time? Are you doing your work and not expecting anyone else to do it for you. You may be sharing your gift with 5 or 500 people, but are you consistent and dependable? What is your reputation? What do the reports about you say? Search yourself and see what you can do to become better in your personal arena.
Transparency moment as I measure Me against Me: I need to work on consistency. I have a great gift to share. The reports and my reputation are favorable. I have a list of things that will grow me and I need to make time to invest in them, in me. Do the work so that when the Lord makes it happen, I won’t be trying to find my way, I’ll already be on the path. The breakthrough is just around the corner, but for now, I’m hidden!
I’d do anything for me, but I used to didn’t. (Read that again)
I used to put everyone else’s needs before mine.
Really, I used to.
But, I don’t anymore.
Why did I stop? Well, I am glad you asked. And really, the answer is very simple. I love myself enough to know that I can’t pour from an empty cup! And I know this, because I’ve tried. ALOT!
We do a lot of self care talk these days. Life overwhelms us. We struggle mentally and emotionally with our own issues, ones that others project on us, and even ones that we shoulder the burden of because we are compassionate and hate to see others struggle. Our physical man has health concerns that we have to work through.
As a result, we end up back at ground zero. Back at finding our joy. Our Peace. Getting back on right track. Drinking more water. Making healthier food choices. Finding a boot camp or group exercise class. Going to see a doctor.
What exactly would I do for myself? Well, I am very glad that you asked.
I will tell you no. I will decline your invitation. I will sit in silence. I will take a nap. I will binge watch tv for an entire day. I will stay home for a day. I will book a trip. I will call my best friends so that I can giggle. I will get a mani pedi. I will buy a dress. I will do what ever is necessary to make myself happy and that’s not limited to not participating in conversations that don’t uplift me and walking away from tables when love is no longer being served.
And, here’s why. Nobody, I mean, NOBODY is responsible for you, but you! So, do what fills your cup. Refresh and reset in a way that allows your spark to grow into a zest for life. Take the trip or take the nap. Make the phone call, the salad or the cake. Take the class. Shoot your shot. Whatever you need to do. But commit to yourself because self care is YOUR divine responsibility. Be careful with you.
How will you care for yourself?