Show Your Scars

As far as I can remember I have always been an open book, living my life out loud. I have shared every aspect of my life with others and never thought twice about it. That was until I lost a few friends in my adult life. Friendship is supposed to be life journeys safe zone. A ‘no judgement zone’ that allows you to be vulnerable and not ashamed. When that truth became rifled, I became closed off. No longer wanting to share my experiences. That was until my broken heart started to heal. (Reference previous post, “The Other B Words“)

No matter the type of relationship and how it ends, there is a grieving process. Grief work is hard work. Grief happens seasonally. As seasons change and things transition in and out of our lives, we as human beings are stretched mentally, emotionally and physically. Trying to get over, past or around things that affect us in positive and negative ways.

The scars look different based on the wound it is from. I had to be reminded that God’s grace is sufficient as my wounds healed. Sisterhoods, brotherhoods, romantic and intimate relationships, parents passing, career changes, obstructions and developments – were all molded by God’s grace and covered with His mercy.

Last week I posted, “Don’t Fake The Funk” This week I’m reminded that it is OK to “Show Your Scars”. Consider this — my mommy had a cute little indentation on her forehead. When I asked her what had happened, she said that she was playing one day and fell and hit her head on a coffee table. It looked like it hurt bad and would always serve as a reminder when she looked in the mirror to be cautious of her actions and surroundings. To me the scar was beautiful, but by the story of pain she endured I knew I didn’t want one. I would walk up to my mom and wiggle my finger in the indentation and that physical touch always reminded me when I was younger, to be careful when playing in the house around the coffee table because I didn’t want to be hurt like my mommy.

My mommy’s flaws, scars, imperfections, triumphs – were all gracefully beautiful to me. The sharing of her scars and the wounds that caused them saved me world of hurt, heart ache and pain. Life is experienced in two ways, pain or lessons. I prefer lessons. I appreciate my mommy’s scars, they were Path Pavers (see previous post) that allowed me to become stronger and wiser.

I said all of that to say this,  “SHOW YOUR SCARS!” You never know how sharing the healing of that wound will bless someone. We spend so much time trying to cover our scars, not realizing that we can help someone along a similar path heal and possibly minimize their scars.

I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.

He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.

“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”

Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.

I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.

Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.

There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.

I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!

So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)

Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.

Path Pavers

My path has many pavers:

  • How to build your faith
  • How to start from the bottom
  • How to handle heartbreak and broken trust
  • How to grieve tough losses
  • How to love like Jesus
  • How to lead
  • How to keep your smile and find joy
  • How to be a humble servant
  • How to know your role
  • How to press into the presence of God
  • How to listen
  • How to be patient and wait
  • There are more and they will manifest through this blog.
  • People watch you on your path and when similar obstacles arise in their lives, they ask questions and for advice. Share you experiences and remind them that things do differ by individual. I’m focused on the ups and fighting through the downs. I know grief and loss. I can talk to you about embracing it and healing from it. I know joy and peace. I can talk to you about centering in it.
  • Bottom line: your path is a testimony or example for others. Someone, somewhere is waiting on you to share your story so they can have a breakthrough or get confirmation that they path they are on is right. Use your pavers to teach someone else how to build a path!