I’d Do Anything For ME!

I’d do anything for me, but I used to didn’t. (Read that again)

I used to put everyone else’s needs before mine.

Really, I used to.

But, I don’t anymore.

Why did I stop? Well, I am glad you asked. And really, the answer is very simple. I love myself enough to know that I can’t pour from an empty cup! And I know this, because I’ve tried. ALOT!

We do a lot of self care talk these days. Life overwhelms us. We struggle mentally and emotionally with our own issues, ones that others project on us, and even ones that we shoulder the burden of because we are compassionate and hate to see others struggle. Our physical man has health concerns that we have to work through.

As a result, we end up back at ground zero. Back at finding our joy. Our Peace. Getting back on right track. Drinking more water. Making healthier food choices. Finding a boot camp or group exercise class. Going to see a doctor.

What exactly would I do for myself? Well, I am very glad that you asked.

I will tell you no. I will decline your invitation. I will sit in silence. I will take a nap. I will binge watch tv for an entire day. I will stay home for a day. I will book a trip. I will call my best friends so that I can giggle. I will get a mani pedi. I will buy a dress. I will do what ever is necessary to make myself happy and that’s not limited to not participating in conversations that don’t uplift me and walking away from tables when love is no longer being served.

And, here’s why. Nobody, I mean, NOBODY is responsible for you, but you! So, do what fills your cup. Refresh and reset in a way that allows your spark to grow into a zest for life. Take the trip or take the nap. Make the phone call, the salad or the cake. Take the class. Shoot your shot. Whatever you need to do. But commit to yourself because self care is YOUR divine responsibility. Be careful with you.

How will you care for yourself?

#SDG

Couch Beach

There is a stigma around counseling, psychologist and psychiatrists. People are ashamed to take care of their mental and behavorial health. I have heard people say that they don’t need anyone. My Truth understands that we were not created to do life alone.

Take a figurative journey with me as I interpret a suitable helper to be a person (friend, family member, coworker, acquaintance or professional).

Once a month, I visit Couch Beach! That is, I relax on a couch in my therapist, Jesse’s office and let all of my cares float through the air, releasing all stress and strain. I mean, on a beach, that’s what I’d do. I would venture into the water and then lay around to recharge, relax and get grounded. When I leave Jesse’s office, I feel like I have left the beach.

I have had a therapist since 2012. I think it’s important to vet your therapist, my first one was not a good match for me. Luckily for me, the second one was the charm. I often say to others, “Get you a Jesse!”

As a strong woman. As the go to person in my family. As the fixer and backbone in many situations, I needed to talk to someone that I could be 100% vulnerable with. I have the very best of friends, yet I was so ashamed to let them know that I did not have it all together.

When I decided that I no longer wanted to be married in 2012, I called and made a behavorial health appointment. Sitting in the waiting room, I was terrified and nervous. I thought people in the waiting room were judging me, thinking I had issues. Then I realized, we were all in the same waiting room!

Therapy took me through 1st divorce filing, extensive work traveling, mom passing, changing jobs, 2nd divorce filing and actual divorce, dad passing and now we are in survival of the fittest. Depending on where I am in life, I see Jesse once a week or once a month. I’ll never forget the time that I showed up a week early for an appointment, but as luck would have it, someone cancelled and he was free to see me. I’ve even called for emergency appointments and phone consultations. You see, when you get hit with social anxiety and abandonment issues, somebody has to remind you of the goodness that you are. I even go to my sessions for maintenance when I think nothing is wrong.

Don’t mistake any of this for me not having Jesus on the main line. I pray and cry. I praise and worship. I study and practice kingdom living. I have a friend that is a catholic priest. I have direct lines to evangelists and prohphets. I am in an Elizabeth and Mary friendship. Trust me on this, there is room in our lives for therapists. Human connection helps clear our minds, overcome depression, and strategize conflict resolution. Jesus knows about my therapist and my therapist knows about my God.

This amazing combination is the reason I am where I am today. I can tell when I am in my 4th week before therapy because things tend to get heavy. I walk in to the behavorial health clinic with the world on my shoulders and walk out of the office like a lioness that just walked out of the prayer closet. Let me reiterate, there are times that I go to therapy thinking nothing is wrong and that the visit is just a check in, but soon realize that I have been suppressing something and get delivered. If you are thinking you need a nonbiased person to talk to, just make the appointment.

What are your thoughts on recieving behavorial and mental health?

What would hinder you from seeking a psychologist/psychiatrists?

What benefits have you seen by engaging with a trained behavorial or mental health professional?

 I have joy, peace and happiness. In all instances I am my unfiltered, unaltered self. I am free to be me. It’s how I am free to write this blog that shares my experiences. Transparency is neccessary. I was given this mountain to show others that it can be moved. Why let life weigh you down when you can carve out some time and head to Couch Beach?!

 

I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.

He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.

“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”

Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.

I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.

Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.

There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.

I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!

So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)

Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.